I have become a sympathetic heart to those fathers who are estranged from their children who want so much to play an active part in their child’s life. As a cruel way and sometimes unrealistic demands from the mother the children are being used as emotional weapons of abuse.
My son has been separated from his ex partner since November 2007.
He has gone through all kinds of emotions and so many times after her agreeing he can have his son, to come back home with out him. The pain on my son’s face was so heart breaking and having a feeling of helplessness in the situation.
Each time he went to collect his son; she had decided to pick another argument about something so trivial in order to stop him from seeing his son again.
It must be the most torturous of emotional abuse I have ever come in contact with because these women who use their children as weapons do not actually realise how much it is going to damage the relationship they are going to develop with that child as they grow.
It must be the most torturous of emotional abuse I have ever come in contact with because these women who use their children as weapons do not actually realise how much it is going to damage the relationship they are going to develop with that child as they grow.
It will become a constant fight as the child gets older how they get to visit the father and the child will grow a huge resentment with possible leading to unfounded despising for the mother because, she is using the father in many ways to stop the child from his god given right to love, cherish, nurturing and learn about the things that ‘dad’s’ love to do like play cuddle and have fun, but also to know that the child is loved by his daddy and not that he doesn’t want to see him.
I have spoken to quite a few different men since November and just this morning met an old work colleague from my first year on the Isle of Man. He has had an ongoing battle with his ex wife for ten years! I was so very shocked, one thing he did say is that his daughter is now fifteen and she has chosen for herself and told her mum she would like to visit with her dad at Christmas there were no alternatives when she was younger she only got to spend the days after Christmas with her dad.
The fact that his only contact was through his daughter to gain visitation, he found was really hard and he felt this put a huge burden on her as a child growing up.
The fact that his only contact was through his daughter to gain visitation, he found was really hard and he felt this put a huge burden on her as a child growing up.
I am a single parent and brought both my children up with out resentment or bitterness to use my two children against their father’s that would have only been cruel and very hurtful after all it was not the child’s fault the ex had found somebody else, or that there was not enough money in my purse, they just wanted to see their daddy and I have never stopped this from happening.
If I ever had any grievance with the father, then it was up to me to sort it out not use the visiting as a way to get what I want, it would have only hurt my children I love them and didn’t want to see them upset.
Do these women actually realise how blessed they are having a man that actually wants to be involved in the life of a child they helped to conceive.
If they are in pain for other reasons then deal with it go see a counsellor or talk it out with a best friend but using the child will only hurt you ten fold in the long term.
My son’s father played an active part in his life and I always took him to see his entire dad’s family. He passed away and didn’t get to spend his teenage years with his dad.
If they are in pain for other reasons then deal with it go see a counsellor or talk it out with a best friend but using the child will only hurt you ten fold in the long term.
My son’s father played an active part in his life and I always took him to see his entire dad’s family. He passed away and didn’t get to spend his teenage years with his dad.
My daughter’s father didn’t want to know until she was eighteen, he actually asked me to stop contacting him when she was two because he was serious with somebody and he didn’t want her finding the photographs I had been sending him!!!
My daughter contacted him just after her eighteenth birthday and they are now in contact I get disappointed sometimes that he isn’t in contact more often but my daughter is old enough now to tell him when he is out of order.
So you see I am blessed with a son who has a most amazing heart and loves his son immensely and he is not the only man alive who feels this way remember that there are many, many men out there who truly love children and want nothing more than to be kept awake at four o clock in the morning to play what ever new peek a boo game his one year old has just discovered, or a toy they have learned to pick up and throw at him across the cot to his head!
I also know that when my daughter has children if for any reason the father departs, I know she would not be as cold and calculating as to hold it over his head and not allow him to be involved in their lives.
I know that no matter how many times I say this I know it to be true, that nobody; no matter how much they try can not take the love away you have for your children. No matter how they may try to stop you from seeing them, how many days weeks months or sometimes even years.
Always and for eternity Only love is REAL
DeesInspirations.(C) 08
I also know that when my daughter has children if for any reason the father departs, I know she would not be as cold and calculating as to hold it over his head and not allow him to be involved in their lives.
I know that no matter how many times I say this I know it to be true, that nobody; no matter how much they try can not take the love away you have for your children. No matter how they may try to stop you from seeing them, how many days weeks months or sometimes even years.
Always and for eternity Only love is REAL
DeesInspirations.(C) 08
I have added the blog below as this was written by a friend of mine last january and he wrote a song about the whole feeling. i have had his permission to share this with you.
I hope you read it and read the most beautiful lyrics.
Love Denise
I hope you read it and read the most beautiful lyrics.
Love Denise
I've been getting a huge amount of private mail from various Fathers Rights campaigners who have been touched by "Just Because." I take that as a huge compliment, and would like to say a few words on the subject.
Let me start off by saying that I'm not a member of any fathers rights groups. Of course, that doesn't mean to say that I don't have an opinion… I do however generally prefer to keep my politics to myself much of the time because I'm an artist. My responsibility is to improve the world around me with the tools that I've been given. It's therefore not my place to alienate a proportion of my public by forcing any views I might have upon them (I achieve much more by publicly airing emotions that we ALL feel through my music). However, the principles that fuel the Fathers 4 Justice campiagn are something that I support in essence, without necessarily endorsing each & every method they use to get their point across. Although the struggle for fathers rights is a highly emotive issue, I honestly believe that it sits apart from political matters. You see, I agree with Bob Geldof who has often said: the F4J cause is not about politics, it's about human rights...
Yes, I've experienced the ludicrous family court system first hand, and can assure all of you that certain laws DO need changing. Unfortunately though, it's one of those things you don't pay much credence to until it actually happens to you. The current system is overt in its discriminatory nature & rarely serves the best interests of the children concerned.
In relation to Fathers 4 Justice (which is incidentally, a worldwide organisation), I feel that they sometimes undermine themselves & much of the time are undermined by an indifferent media & public. Yes, some of their members are nuts & use the organisation as a means to validate their behaviour (and of course, the tabloids LOVE to talk about the crazies!). Surely though, no-one can say that because Ted Bundy was an active member of the Scouts Foundation that most active Scouting brethren are hitherto serial killers?! The public LOVE to make generalisations... The REALITY is that most F4J campaigners are decent everyday folk, just like you and me, who've all of a sudden found themselves on the receiving end of a gross injustice. This creates a need to communicate the injustice; sometimes it's communicated well & sometimes not. Instead of judging the actions themselves, I'd urge you all to try and put yourself in the shoes of an F4J protester for a minute, in order to truly understand the emotions that fuel the protest… Imagine what it must be like to be forcibly removed from the lives of your own children... Seeing your children suffer & not being able to do a thing about it… It creates an un-imaginable kind of frustration that cannot be described.
I'm therefore often shocked by the patronising, derogatory put-downs that many politicians happily use when commenting on fathers rights groups. Because it's always statistically been a small number of folks who suffer at the hands of a ruthless ex & the un-accountable family courts (most couples tend to iron out these situations responsibly), it's never been a big vote winner. It ONLY affects a few thousand people in the UK each year, which is why it's never deemed to be important enough to merit much in the way of political attention... That's the way our democracy works I'm afraid... Not as democratic as some would like to believe.
As for the UK wing of F4J and the supposed "plot to kidnap Tony Blair's son"…
The story originated from the Sun newspaper after a leak from Scotland Yard's press office… Let's face it; the police had been shown up on countless occasions by F4J for their shoddy security (like at the House Of Commons & Buck's Palace) and they decided to get even… If anyone seriously thinks that Fathers 4 Justice was planning a kidnapping, then they deserve to believe everything else that's served up by the tabloids. The demise of the original UK F4J came about because of dis-unity within it's own ranks. Since then, "Real Fathers 4 Justice" was formed & the organisation is as active as ever.
All F4J have been trying to secure is a change to the law that gives kids an automatic right to 50% of each parent when they split up. If folks want any more or less, THEN they should go to court. This system is working very well in Denmark & Sweden and would fix the bulk of the problem.
As for the UK wing of F4J and the supposed "plot to kidnap Tony Blair's son"…
The story originated from the Sun newspaper after a leak from Scotland Yard's press office… Let's face it; the police had been shown up on countless occasions by F4J for their shoddy security (like at the House Of Commons & Buck's Palace) and they decided to get even… If anyone seriously thinks that Fathers 4 Justice was planning a kidnapping, then they deserve to believe everything else that's served up by the tabloids. The demise of the original UK F4J came about because of dis-unity within it's own ranks. Since then, "Real Fathers 4 Justice" was formed & the organisation is as active as ever.
All F4J have been trying to secure is a change to the law that gives kids an automatic right to 50% of each parent when they split up. If folks want any more or less, THEN they should go to court. This system is working very well in Denmark & Sweden and would fix the bulk of the problem.
Obviously, this wouldn't affect the mechanisms that are already in place to prevent abusive dads from having much in the way of contact. Parents who shouldn't be around their kids obviously shouldn't be around their kids, but that's a seperate issue! When debating the pros & cons, folks are all too quick to start mixing their apples with their oranges...
Protecting the interests of the majority of worthy dads DOES NOT mean that the safeguards set up to protect children from bad fathers need to be diminished in any way. The campaign also wants to give the courts the power to ensure that contact orders are enforced. As things currently stand, judges have little power to insist that the resident parent makes the children available for contact when the order states they should. Essentially, a system that was put in place in order to protect vulnerable women is easily abused by a small percentage of ruthless women who are trying to cut their ex's out of their children's lives. F4J are not trying to reduce women's rights in any shape or form, they simply want EQUAL rights... In addition, they would like the rights of GRANDPARENTS to be respected. Often than not, granny & grandpa lose their grandchildren the moment the divorce comes through. I think the majority of society's ills stem from the fact that communities are disintegrating. Why? Because you need families upon which to build your community...
An issue as emotive as this deserves to have its day in Parliament, surely by virtue of the fact that certain people are willing to put themselves on the front line in order to protect the rights of the silent masses. I've often heard people say "they're their own worst enemy…" (well, none of them are professional politicians, so surely the odd faux pas is to be expected); "they're a public nuisance…oh, they've gotta be crazy to do the kind of shit they do…" Well, I hasten to wonder what you would do if you were in a similar situation? Emotions that run so deep will express themselves in a myriad of ways. The combination of frustration, pain, bitterness, resentment and loneliness are enough to drive a man to absolute extremes. We should therefore be exercising a healthy dose of understanding and sympathy for even the most hard-core of campaigners. Besides, all they're trying to do is grab your attention and convey the injustice to you. It might prove to be a minor nuisance when you're late for work and the highway's blocked, but just imagine what's driven a protester to put on a batman suit and dangle himself off a bridge in the first place… After all, it's a pretty passive kind of extremism when you compare it to what we see in the news these days… The outfits, outlandish publicity stunts, and demonstrations are all designed to make us aware of the problem and debate it. This is what I'd like to inspire in anyone reading this... To make you aware of the issue so you can take it away & debate it within your respective communities. The politicians will only end up doing something about this when folks who aren't directly affected by the problem start to get a bee in their bonnet about the injustice. You see, that's the point when it becomes a vote winner...
Most importantly (and strange though it may seem) it could very well be YOU one day. "Oh no, surely not me! I'm happily married, and besides, my wife would never act like that if we were to ever split up."
Yeah, right. I sincerely hope so buddy…
Todd xx
An issue as emotive as this deserves to have its day in Parliament, surely by virtue of the fact that certain people are willing to put themselves on the front line in order to protect the rights of the silent masses. I've often heard people say "they're their own worst enemy…" (well, none of them are professional politicians, so surely the odd faux pas is to be expected); "they're a public nuisance…oh, they've gotta be crazy to do the kind of shit they do…" Well, I hasten to wonder what you would do if you were in a similar situation? Emotions that run so deep will express themselves in a myriad of ways. The combination of frustration, pain, bitterness, resentment and loneliness are enough to drive a man to absolute extremes. We should therefore be exercising a healthy dose of understanding and sympathy for even the most hard-core of campaigners. Besides, all they're trying to do is grab your attention and convey the injustice to you. It might prove to be a minor nuisance when you're late for work and the highway's blocked, but just imagine what's driven a protester to put on a batman suit and dangle himself off a bridge in the first place… After all, it's a pretty passive kind of extremism when you compare it to what we see in the news these days… The outfits, outlandish publicity stunts, and demonstrations are all designed to make us aware of the problem and debate it. This is what I'd like to inspire in anyone reading this... To make you aware of the issue so you can take it away & debate it within your respective communities. The politicians will only end up doing something about this when folks who aren't directly affected by the problem start to get a bee in their bonnet about the injustice. You see, that's the point when it becomes a vote winner...
Most importantly (and strange though it may seem) it could very well be YOU one day. "Oh no, surely not me! I'm happily married, and besides, my wife would never act like that if we were to ever split up."
Yeah, right. I sincerely hope so buddy…
Todd xx
JUST BECAUSE...
(© sharpville 2006)
Just because you cannot see me today
it doesn't mean I'm far away
Just because you cannot touch me my dear
it doesn't mean that I'm not near
Given time you're gonna realise
that I surround you rain or shine
Just because I love you more than life itself
i'm with you all the time…
Just because we have to live apart
it doesn't keep you from my heart
I did everything a man could do
But none of this was up to me (or you)
If you close your eyes and listen hard
you'll hear me whispering through the pines
Just because I love you more than life itself
i'm with you all the time…
(© sharpville 2006)
Just because you cannot see me today
it doesn't mean I'm far away
Just because you cannot touch me my dear
it doesn't mean that I'm not near
Given time you're gonna realise
that I surround you rain or shine
Just because I love you more than life itself
i'm with you all the time…
Just because we have to live apart
it doesn't keep you from my heart
I did everything a man could do
But none of this was up to me (or you)
If you close your eyes and listen hard
you'll hear me whispering through the pines
Just because I love you more than life itself
i'm with you all the time…
middle 8
And my soul is aching
I know you're aching too
Still, this road cannot break me
'cause I know it takes me back to you
Just because you're feeling sad and alone
it doesn't mean you're on your own
Just because we all get old & frail
it doesn't mean our love will not prevail
Given time you're gonna realise
your daddy never left your side
Just because I love you more than life itself
i'm with you all the time…
I know you're aching too
Still, this road cannot break me
'cause I know it takes me back to you
Just because you're feeling sad and alone
it doesn't mean you're on your own
Just because we all get old & frail
it doesn't mean our love will not prevail
Given time you're gonna realise
your daddy never left your side
Just because I love you more than life itself
i'm with you all the time…
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